Ok, I'll do it.

Dear Borders Executive Board,

You've announced your intention to pay $8.3 million in bonuses to the executives responsible for driving the company to file chapter 11 and to close 230 stores so far. Similar bonuses have been paid to Borders executives every year, even as the profitability, stock price, and general health of the company have steadily declined under their "leadership". These bonuses have been justified time and time again as "retention bonuses"- the money paid out to terrible executives to save the company from having to find new executives? I suppose the devil you know might seem like something worth holding on to.

I worked at three Borders stores from August 2006-March 2010- stores 50, 412 and 66- I've been a bookseller, a cafe seller, an LPCA, and a supervisor. I worked with a number of talented booksellers, supervisors, managers, General Managers and even a few District Managers who didn't seem all bad. These, I suppose, are the devils you never bothered to know, the talented staff who worked as the public face of your company. Many of us were devoted, loyal, hardworking employees who came in early, stayed late, and worked for far less pay than the men and women in suits who made the decisions that destroyed the company. Our hours were cut. Our benefits reduced. Some were laid off, some were left to do the work off those laid off without any additional time or pay. We worked harder every year in hopes of turning around a tidal wave of bad judgement calls from the top. We endured the humiliation of patronizing training videos, endlessly excessive paperwork, and the stressful visits of those salaried suits who walked through our stores and fussed over endcap arrangement or personal property stickers.

I left your company because you laid off two of my co-supervisors, my friends with more experience and skill than me. I left because I could feel the end coming, because I could see that the downfall of this company was going to entail targeting the longest-serving (and, often, most loyal) full-time employees for elimination. I have a job I love at a bookstore that is run independently and far more intelligently than any Borders I ever worked for, largely because there is no Corporate office in Ann Arbor to answer to. I have no desire to leave this job, but since Borders holds a special place in my heart, and since you're clearly in need of a decent CEO, I'm offering myself for the job. I'll work for 1/10th of what you pay Mike Edwards, plus travel expenses, medical, dental and vision. You will never have to pay me a bonus. I can't possibly do any worse than Edwards, and even if I'm just as bad, at least I'll be a whole lot cheaper. I don't want to do this, but I think some one has to. So give up the retention bonuses and just let the Executives storm off in a huff. Trust me, there are plenty of us out there who would take their jobs at a fraction of the cost.

Sincerely,

An ex-employee